December's subject was chosen by myself and is... "A large stone was found in the middle of a field in Iowa."
The first subject for January was chosen by Sgt. Hubbard and is... "A locked box is left to you in a will."
The second subject for January was chosen by myself and is... "A person is found in the desert with amnesia."
The first subject for February was chosen by Stan Weiss and is... "The baby sitter is snooping and finds your many passports, each with a different name."
The second subject for February was chosen by T.J. Reed and is... "Rewrite a classic monster, ghost, horror story in a modern way and include the story as the title so we know what you have rewritten."
Friday, December 30, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Lush: Heh, heh. Not to worry, God, our audience is made up of mostly good Christian folks so, you might say, today you will be preaching to the choir! Heh, heh. Now, are you with us today to pitch a new book?
God: Well no, not really, I have some other things to say but let’s clear up a couple of things first. I am not really comfortable with the name God. While it is true that I am the Creator of Everything that was, is and will be, and that I am the beginning, middle and end of all, the name God seems a bit pedestrian. After all, the name has been given to many lesser beings over the ages. So, if you don’t mind, please refer to me as POO, short for GRAND POOBAH.
God/POO: Yes, POO
Lush: Ok, then, POO it is. Heh.heh. So, tell us , POO, what is on your mind today.
POO: It is about that rock in
Lush: Yes indeed, the Senator from
POO: No, no, no. I mean the circular stone found in the cornfield which, even as we speak, archeologists from the
Lush: Gee, POO, I must have missed that story. Heh, heh. So, who do you think will win in
POO: (sigh) I don’t think it really matters, Lush.
Lush: Of course it matters. If the Democrats win the White House again the sky will fall.
Lush: Sorry to interrupt, POO, but I have just received news from our sources in
Lush: Ladies and gentleman, apparently the senator from
Lush: Now a word from our sponsor!
Commercial: Do you have crap that just won’t go down? Is your bowl full? Well, you need Royal Flush Bathroom Fixtures! You know us, we flush the crap out of things!
Lush: Welcome back , folks. We’re talking with God,errr, Poo, today. SO, POO, tell us…sorry, POO, we have breaking news from
Reporter: (sound of roaring wind in background) Lush! Lush! They’ve moved the stone! The candidates are gone, sucked down in a swirl of debris! Everything is going! I can’t, I can’t, hold on much (static)
POO: Damn, a weeks work, down the drain.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
The plow churned the soil sending puffs of brown dust trailing behind Ted’s red tractor. The morning Iowa sun was already hot, driving beads of sweat from the headband of his straw hat. Ted examined the plow blade cutting through the dry ground, drawing deep straight lines that would hopefully be the beginning of a corn crop for him and his wife. Ted watched as the blade pushed rocks, dirt, and old roots to each side of the row when suddenly his tractor stopped. The sudden jerk made Ted slam his ribs into the steering wheel; rubbing his ribs, Ted looked at what the blade had caught on.
The dark green color of a large partially dirt covered stone caught his eye. Ted descended from the tractor and began to push clumps of dirt and clay away from the large stone. It seemed to be a perfect circle. It was the type of stone that Ted would collect and place around his house as decorative ornaments. The rock was going to be perfect for a walkway he had been trying to complete leading from his driveway to his front door. The stone looked to be extremely heavy; lifting with his hands was not an option, Ted thought.
He climbed back on his tractor, started it, and used the hydraulics to bring the blade down at an angle with the stone. If he couldn’t pick it up by hand then maybe he could pinch it with the blade and carry it that way back to the house. Ted worked the blade under the rock and put the tractor in gear. The red beast shook violently as Ted fought to lift the circular stone from the field. Rocking back and forth, Ted tried again and again but the stone didn’t seem to want to break free.
Ted jumped back down from his tractor and stood over the stone. What was it going to take for this stone to be moved? Maybe he could get his buddy Frank’s tow truck; his old winch on that rig could move this rock. Maybe.
“Is there a password to move you?” Ted said with a smile.
“Open says me!” Ted began to laugh out loud.
The stone moved. It slowly moved. Ted had seen it, the sight causing him to stumble back and fall on his backside. It continued to move in a slow motion, rotating as if on a hinge. Gases escaped from under the stone and that is when Ted realized what the stone was. Not just a rock lying in an Iowa field but a lid; a cover, something much like a sewer lid keeping the world above from witnessing the disgusting underbelly of the world. Ted stood, wanting to run, but could not pry his eyes from the situation in front of him. A single, large pale hand emerged from the depths of the hole, and took a tight grip in the dark Iowa soil.
“I am death.” A voice hissed from the hole. “And, I bring Hell with me….”
Who would have thought that the forth seal of the apocalypse could be found in an Iowa cornfield?
Buck silently cursed himself, the weather, Iowa, his wife, Twilight (his horse), and most of all the damn cows. Here he was riding Twilight in this miserable storm looking for a missing cow and calf. Sometimes he wishes he would have stayed in California and continued the hippie life style he once ran away to. The guilt of knowing his mom was back here in Iowa running the farm by herself after his dad and three brothers were killed in the war was too much for him to stomach. It didn't help his mood that his old lantern was running low on fuel. If he would have bought one of those ATV's like his boys suggested he would have had head lights and a place to hook the spotlight into, but no not ole Buck he has to stay loyal to trusty Twilight. After all he is the best dang horse he'd ever had.
The thought no sooner pass his mind when Twilight spewed forth the most toe curling neigh that ever had past his ears. He tried to pat his head but that turned into an even bigger mistake as Twilight reared up and then jumped off his hind leg's sending Buck airborne. Time seem to slow as Buck glided through the air, lightning flashing to reveal a gray rock in the sky. Wait, what? A gray rock in the sky. Buck wondered if he was going mad? Raindrops mocking him as they splattered splash on his face. He felt pain as if acid had been shot into his veins as he struck the ground with the accompaniment of thunder ringing in his ears. He wanted to jump to his feet but the aches in his body simply did not allow anything but breathless moans to fill the air. He opened his eyes as another bolt of lightning flashed striking his still somehow afloat and lit lantern exploding it into shards of burning shrapnel as they pelted his body and bare-naked face. He heard the distant galloping of hoofs growing dimmer and dimmer.
Buck lay there riddled with tiny wounds as he feel blood bubbling to the surface. Finally gaining a breath and a little strength he rolled over into the mud. Yes the mud, thank God for the rain-soaked mud that cushioned his fall. At 67, Buck didn't know how much his body would take. He first pushed up to a kneel then wobbly stood to his feet. He staggered one way then another as dizziness threatened to tumble him again. This time Buck cursed the universe loudly as he could. Quickly he was left breathless once more. He coughed and spitted blood. The blood clinging to his lip like a fly stuck in a spider's web. Blood running down his forehead creeping ever closer to his eyes mixing with rain to form a tidal wave of distraction for his sight. He wiped furiously at his brow bellowing curses again at the night.
Then he saw it as lightning flashed once, twice, three times. How much time passed as he just gawked at it. A stone the size of his Buick sit there in his field. Gray on top and black as obsidian on the sides. He knew his fields and that stone was not there before. Then he remembered the stone in the sky, was this it? Had he really seen a stone in the sky perhaps falling to earth? But from where? He was mesmerized. He slowly moved closer to it suddenly feeling the need to touch it. He dared not to blink for it might vanish. He reached for it fingers inches from it. Anticipation rippled through his being. His heart beating like it hadn't since he was a kid on Christmas morning reaching almost there. “Shit”, he exclaimed as his feet got entangled in something, weeds perhaps he thought as he tumbled forward. Then he smelled it, blood and death. There was no denying it. He had experienced it a lot in his slaughter house. Another flash and he saw it, the cow he was looking for or at least half of it. “Shit”, Buck shouted again as he realized it was the heifers entrails his feet got entangled with as he fall. He scrambled to get up but as he spun to jump up he came face to face with it. Nose to nose with some sort of snorting beast whose breath reeked of death and decay. He tried to scream but no sound came as he grasped his chest. What had the beast done to cause such a powerful pain in his chest? He fall back as another stroke of lightning lit up the sky. He couldn't believe his eyes, but how? What about the pain? Another throng of pain ripped through his chest resounding through his whole body. The soulless eyes of his missing calf staring down at him. “Damn this night”, he thought, his tombstone would read death by stone and cow. “The official report would say heart attack but what did it matter dead was dead”, Buck thought. That thought was his last.
From inside his STONE (Stealthy Tactical Operations Nautical Eradicator) Xu Li Ai, wondered if he could count the cow and the farmer on his kill list. After all this was his first mission and his brother already had 5 kills on three missions. Xu also wondered how he wound up in a field in Iowa rather than lake Michigan. Clearly finding his way to Chicago to prevent the assassination of the President would be a problem now. So he also thought about the condition of his STONE. It had been badly damaged in the landing. Landing on the cow didn't help either. The STONE was an amphibious design but was stuck in a couple feet of mud from the hard impact. Besides it was designed for short range land use only. The parachute which is designed to be dissolved in water had deteriorated on his descent due to the heavy rain. He hoped the chute would be completely dissolved by morning. Xu silently cursed himself on what would happen to him and his family if he failed. Even more worrisome he thought what in the world would happen to the world if he failed. Would it be better off? Yes, he thought. Perhaps divine intervention had placed him in Iowa! He would have to be a believer to think that. He pondered for a minute if there could be God? After all the senseless things he saw back home it was hard to imagine there was, but then again Iowa was no lake Michigan.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
I am That Guy. Everyone knows me. Everyone knows my name. I'm the most talked about person, tomorrow. "Did you hear about That Guy that told jokes till everyone was literally crying for him to stop?" "Didja you see That Guy who set himself on fire last night?" "What about That Guy that spent the whole party sleeping with different women?"
I've lived my life hard and fast. Music, women, drugs. Ah, the stories I could tell you would make you weep that you weren't me. I had become such a Facebook sensation that I was invited to parties by people I'd never met.
Out of state, this one in particular. Big bonfire, loud music, women everywhere. It must have been an amazing party. At least, I hope it was. I didn’t know what all the booze and drugs were, but I can safely say I won't mix that concoction again. I drempt of all my greatest triumphs.
There was one in high school, my first one, Jessica. The sister of a friend of a friend. I stole her from someone else. When her family moved away, I drove to Maine to get her one summer. We spent an amazing week together, riding four-wheelers, laying out underneath the stars. Near the end of the week, she told me she loved me, and opened herself up, like a lotus in bloom, and gave herself to me. The next day, I overheard her talking to a friend. I yelled at her and accused her of trying to go back to her ex. She wept, but my mind could not be changed. I left her, crying on the porch of his house, states away from her own.
Then there was Mikka, a cute Brazilian whose parents had fled the country after some coup d'état or something. She was THE ONE. Smart, funny, sexy, vivacious. The Blonde Bombshell. We talked about spending our lives together. We went through it all; house, marriage, kids, growing old, his and her towels. I had promised her a life I knew I couldn't deliver. When I left her for a thinner girl who was younger and had more perky breasts, I heard she was mad. But I have better things to do than worry about how my life affects others.
Mandylin was gorgeous. Beautiful smile, legs for days, the voice of an angel. Her mother loved me, her father... not so much. We went to dinners, movies premiers, gala events, slept together more than we ever slept with each other. Anywhere we went became the place to be. She was in love and I was in over my head. She bought a ring, proposed to me, made a ceremony, and I, I got to drunk to attend. She heard rumors that I slept with all the bridesmaids that night, and her sister, and her mother, and one of her cousins. I can't confirm that extravagant rumor, and I couldn't then, when she asked. I CAN say her mother likes me still.
Why, you may ask, am I recalling all these memories? You may wonder what has possessed me to relive all these moments of my life, as you may have noticed, there are higher moments better suited for reliving. The simple truth is this; I can't stop. When I arrived here at the party, I noticed a group of women dancing on a platform, a stone table. Far be it from me to question why a large stone table would be in a field, or who would drag the behemoth out here just for this event. As it matters not to me, and the thought never crossed my mind, I approached for a closer look at three magnificent sirens. The closer I got, the more transparent their clothes seemed till I was hips up to the table, hands on the surface and said, "The things I would do to you three... are illegal in all fifty states."
I woke up, still standing in this position. I see my body lying on the stone and I think I'm unconscious. Something does feel different though. Everyone from the party is gone. I'm not sure if there even was a party anymore, but there are a few things I can tell you for certain...
Jessica got back with her ex, after I left her there. They got married and had two children. Everyday her husband comes home from work and beats her and the oldest boy. He's already killed the youngest. It was ruled accidental.
Mikka wasn't just mad at me, she went mad. The next person she dated, upon separation, she beat into a coma with a Valentines' bear (holding a rolling pin) he had bought for her.
Mandylin got a job at a gentleman’s club before eventually being turned out for tricks. She was molested, raped, beaten, stabbed, shot, riddled with disease, and eventually died of a guilt and shame induced drug overdose.
I know all of this because I feel it. Every punch, every slap, every needle jab, every shamed decision. I relive all of the torment that could have been spared to them, if it weren't for me. When my body was found, the headline read, "ANOTHER SUICIDE FOUND IN IOWA NEAR PECULIAR STONE." And even though my body is gone, long since turned to dust, I stand here, hands on this stone, for eternity, alongside that guy, and that guy, and that guy, and that guy.